March 26, 2007

Jedi Die Weak Deaths

No, this isn't the post I had lined up for tonight, but today's "Sheldon" comic got me thinking that every single Jedi with one exception died in an extremely weak way. Obviously, this is going to be a spoiler-laden post for the two of you out there who haven't seen the "Star Wars" movies, so here goes.

Episode 1:

Qui-Gon Jinn: He's the only one who really went down fighting. Yeah, he was sucker-punched, but he went down fighting.

Darth Maul: Kid somersaults overhim and slices him in half while he stands there kinda gloating.

Episode 2:

A few Jedi out of the two hundred on Geonosis died fighting glorified toasters.

Episode 3:

Count Dooku: Lost both of his hands, knelt in surrender, and was beheaded by his own lightsaber.

General Grievous: Loses two hands, then dies of an overdramatic case of heartburn.

Mace Windu: Loses his hand, and then dies from a bad case of Palpatine static cling.

Younglings: "I need to show how evil I am, so I'm going to kill kids. Again."

Everyone else: Order 66.

Episode 4:

Obi-Wan Kenobi: "It's too damn tiring babysitting. Kill me." "Okay."

Episode 6:

Yoda: "Seven hundred years old? Don't look a day over a thousand."

Emperor Palpatine: Gets tossed off of a platform.

Darth Vader: Loses his hand, and suffers from Palpatine static cling, but dies because he has his kid pull the plug on his life support system by removing his mask.

Am I missing anyone? Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Jedi...or pugs.


Tale said...

They died even weaker deaths if you'd ever played Star Wars Galaxies. The primary way they died was AFK on rooftops.

Morgan said...

Mace Windu never died. He was shown being thrown from an office into traffic. For all we know, he just passed out from the static cling, came about on the way down, and landed on a vehicle a la Anakin. After all, Mace Windu is a powerful Jedi with the only purple lightsaber around, so he must have plenty of friends watching his back. Oh yeah, and there's that Jedi who died and came back to life, so y'know, some Jedi are scary folk.