April 30, 2006

[Personal] Negativity and letting go...

Those of you who know me know that in general, I'm a pretty calm person on the surface. The unfortunate reason for my calm exterior is that for several reasons, I always expect the worst to happen. I'm rarely disappointed that way.

Pessimism actually helps quite a bit with my profession. Generally, the pessimism of the quality assurance department acts as a dose of reality for departments that are, well, over-optimistic.

However, pessimism does have several consequences. Stress is perhaps the biggest side effect. When you are always dreading the worst, it's hard to see the small things that make you happy. Pessimism also affects how you are seen by others.

So I've been going over my goals for what I want to try for "SiN Episodes: Episode 2 (Tenative Title)," and I think the biggest goal is to try to scale back my pessimism.

I'm still going to look at things in the most pessimistic way possible when doing asset reviews for ESRB issues, especially given some events that occured during the creation of "Emergence." And I'm still going to be as forceful as possible when fighting for the consumer.

But I need to get to the point where I can seperate my professional pessimism from my personal views on life. In these days where a person's job can vanish overnight, television companies can tell your television not to air certain shows because your TV isn't "compliant," and parents would rather censor entire classifications of entertainment than actually act like parents, there is enough negativity in this world without me adding my personal blend of sulk.

I hope that by letting go of some of my negativity, I can open myself up to some more opportunities as well as find more ways to help others.

For example, while I may have had some negative experiences back with MGS, a lot of those experiences can really be traced to my own negativity. So why should I hold anything against them? They reflected my negative energies back at me in a tangible fashion, but I was still the originator.

I'm not getting rid of all of my negativity, however. Pure optimism is just as unhealthy, if not moreso. Keeping some of my negativity will keep me grounded in reality, which is right where I need to be.

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