Well, I received my Creative Zen Portable Media Center today. I got all of five minutes of playback out of it before it crapped out with error screen after error screen. Now, my 20Gb PMC, when it is sporadically recognized by Windows, is being seen as a 4Gb ZEN Flash Player with no video support.
I've contacted Creative's Customer Care Department, and will soon see if they've improved at all since the last time I had to deal with them...I'll update this post with any changes.
Update 10:31am: Fixed, but in a funky way. Evidently, I had to find a computer that was compatible with the firmware launcher (my Media Center PC wasn't, and neither was my wife's laptop), install the driver CD that came with it, install the firmware update, manually reset the device when the firmware flasher said "Rebooting the device," and then letting it finish.
If you do follow those instructions, do so at your own risk.