February 25, 2006

[Politics] A Decent Start For A Ban List

Since the current censorcrats seem to think that games are so bad for children, I figured I'd give them a list of games that they can start with.

"Cowboys & Indians." How dare we allow our children to play a game that glamourizes the expansionist attitudes of our forefathers and the thoughtless genocide of many nations of native residents?

"Chess." A game that signifies the unprovoked assault of the Christian Crusaders against the Moors, thereby triggering many centuries of Islamic/Christian hatred? Whose idea of fun is that?

"Dress-Up." Nothing quite like attempting to optimize your outfit in an effort to attract a mate that screams "repression of women" in this enlightened, feminist age.

"Sorry." A game that encourages knocking down others and then making a faux apology? Hardly appropriate for modern, polite society.

"Monopoly." A game designed to teach people how to crowd others out of a market and eventually drive other hard-working players into bankruptcy and homelessness? Obscene.

"Clue." A game where not only can one of the players play a cold-blooded murderer, but he must hide his identity until found out rather than do the Christian thing and confess? Heinous.

"Backyard Croquet." A win-at-all-costs tournament of violence towards inanimate objects with mallets.

"Diplomacy." A game where the only way to win is to strategically lie. Is that a lesson you really want your children to learn?

"Baseball." Remember, kids, the only way to win is to do illegal steroids.

"Trivial Pursuit." The very nature of the game discriminates against the less-educated.

Now it's time for me to don my fireproof jacket.


Kevin said...

now you're just being silly.

Michael Russell said...

Isn't that what I do best?