ScanJet Troubles

In the tech world, there is nothing quite as troubling as having lights blinking on hardware where the lights aren't supposed to be blinking.

For example, I've got a HP ScanJet 5300C, and the light bar inside has started blinking on me. I don't know why.

So I follow their instructions. I shut down. I unplug it for a minute. I plug it back in. I turn the computer back on. I turn the computer off again. Unplug the scanner. Wait 30 minutes. Toggle the light bar lock several dozen times. Plug the scanner back in. Turn the computer back on. Shut down again. Sacrifice live chicken. Drain the blood of the chicken into the servos while chanting my serial number in binary backwards six times. Since the scanner is over a year old, I also swear allegiance to Carly Fiorina's true name (Carleton is such a masculine name...). Wait for the grinding of the servo motor to signify that my dark lord Ba'al is pleased. Turn computer back on. You know, the normal stuff.

Finally, I get to the point in their documentation where they talk about blinking lights, and all they say is that I must contact support. No explanation of the error code. No clue as to what could be causing it. Nothing to indicate that I'll get reimbursed for the chicken. Just that I have to contact support.

So, I used their wonderfully impersonal "Contact Support" form, and I've been told that usually people get answers within an hour...so we wait. I submitted my issue at 8:35pm.

The only thing worse than trying to troubleshoot crap like this is doing when you've got an inner ear infection and a cold...

UPDATE 9:46pm: Well, I just got my response back from HP Technical Support, pointing me back to the same frickin' page above. I just love the quality of service that outsourced technical support provides. No wonder the house that Carly built had termites... Anyway, I sent the follow-up E-mail off. Let's see what they come back with this time.

UPDATE 8:14am, Thursday: I got back the "Oh, shit, we got someone with half a brain, better make him call voice support instead" E-mail. I'll try to take care of that after my doctor's appointment this afternoon. Oh, well. At least my Portable Media Center is shipping today...